Is a normal day too much to ask for?
by solluxed
Summary: John turns up unexpectedly at Dave's door then proceeds to act very strangely indeed. Short hammertime story I wrote at 2am. Was initially meant to be serious but something went wrong along the way? Rated T for implied Egbert dick. Kind of OOC


It was winter, rain pouring from the sky in great torrents, soaking anything and everything and making the atmosphere unbearably dreary. A figure bundled in red hurriedly made their way down the almost deserted street and disappeared through the door of a starbucks.

Said figure ordered a coffee; straight, black, venti, and sat down near the rear of the cafe. A thump, then blond locks were falling across flannel clad arms, large aviator shades resting on the wood of a stained table.

As the man, because that's what the figure was (possibly a boy even, but that's irrelevant), awaited his order, a flurry of thoughts ran through his already troubled mind.

The name was Dave Strider, and it just so happens that today, he'd first touched a dick.

It started out innocently enough; his best friend, one John Egbert, whom he met on the internet through a MMORPG when they were both just 13, had shown up unexpectedly for a gaming sesh, and at first, everything seemed to be going swimmingly. That is, until the bucktoothed boy started acting very suspicously.

He gravitated around Dave, following him everywhere, actions mimicking that of a lost puppy. Even when Strider was briefly talking on the phone with his bro, informing him of the guest and demanding a pizza be brought to them, John was clinging to Dave's sleeve, poking his cheeks while he talked and generally, acting like a 5 year old.

Dave had ignored those actions, because really, it was nothing terribly new. John was infamous for being incredibly touchy feely at times so all this was paid no heed.

Unfortunately, the situation only became worse as the morning progressed.

John persisted in clinging to Dave, sitting extremely close to him, hugging for obnoxiously long, leaving the coolkid to just stand awkwardly and grin and bear it. Wandering hands had even lifted up the hem of a plaid shirt once, but were quickly slapped away as soon as it was realised. Glances were constantly being thrown at Dave and John probably thought he was being oh so subtle, like the sass master of subtley flirting with your best friend who you've know for six fucking years, but in reality this was all very overwhelming and forward, honestly scaring Dave into fleeing to the bathroom multiple times just to get away from it all.

He should've kicked John out there and then, put a stop to this, whatever 'this' was, but in a moment of utter stupidity, he let the thought pass.

When he reappeared in the living room, a shocking sight greeted him.

Everything was normal, John was playing Battlefield. But. He wasn't. Wearing. Any. Gogdamn. Clothes. None. Zilch. Absolutely naked.

A very manly shriek was emitted from the lips of the blond as he turned around and made a beeline straight back where he'd come from. Nope. Nope. Nope. The only word he could process at that particular moment. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

Meanwhile, John paused the game, a prankster's smile overcoming his dorky features. If that was Dave's reaction to just this, what was to come, was going to be epicly awesome and would definitely boost his gambit a whole awful lot.

Johm walked over to the bathroom door and stood a bit to the side, ready to put his plan into motion as soon as Dave ventured out of the hideaway. Which wasn't soon, but it did eventually happen. When it did, John was more than ready.

The door opened a smidgen and a head cautiously peeked out, followed swiftly by a body, trying to escape before being caught. But John was there, and no sooner had Strider fully emerged than he was pounced on and toppled over, once again, letting out a very masculine screech.

"NO, NO, NO, EGDERP FUCK OFF, IM NOT INVITING YOU TO PLAY GAMES WITH ME EVER AGAIN, YOU HEAR ME? FUCKING HELL, GET OFF OF ME, GO MOLEST A SMUPPET OR SOME SHIT LEAVE ME ALONE, NO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, FUCK-"

Dave stilled in shock, eyes flitting back and forth from where exactly John was holding his hand against, and the prankster's mischeivous eyes.

A single word was uttered before he wrenched himself out of John's grasp, and practically sprinted out of the door, as far away from this insanity as possible.

"Nope."

John watched his best friend run off and almost immediately bent over, laughing intensely. This was the mother of all pranks, this was going down in the history books, and, most importantly, this was earning him a very much needed $20 from a certain Dirk Strider.


End file.
